April 15, 2009. While Americans were occupied with filing taxes, I was at my son's bedside patiently awaiting his awakening (part two). Yesterday was fun. But today, I expected more. From 11am-1:30 am, I was with Caleb. I just didn't want to miss out on anything.
I was there when he opened his eyes. I was there and did his trach care. It was really intimidating, but it has to be done. With practice, I know I will get better with it. It's a two person job, so the nurse was with me the entire time.
Caleb moved around a bit more. He was still on Fentanyl, so he was limited. Swelling decreased as well. If yesterday, he did twitches, today he wiggled. He appeared to have mastered opening and closing his eyes. I was very content with his progress.
Around 11pm, I felt really depressed. I just needed to hold him. I missed my son. Imagine not holding your child for 8 days and not being able to do anything about it? I said my good night and was ready to retire for the night but my little man started wiggling and looked at me. I saw tears in his eyes, as if saying "Please don't go." I decided to stay. Of course, I was in tears the whole time. Nurse Lisa, also a NICU mom, was so observant and asked if I wanted to hold him. Of course, I missed him so much.
After careful logistical planning of how Caleb was to be transferred from bed to mom's arms, he found his loving and warm destination. Two nurses and an RT organized the move and mother and son bonded in no time. As soon as he made it in my arms, I cried and cried and cried. It's difficult to explain my emotions. My son who was wide awake during the transfer, suddenly closed his eyes and fell asleep.
We were in the same position for an hour. With minimal movement, we spent time. Of course the staff were outside his door in event an incident occurs. Caleb was still on IV's, the ventilator, and various medical equipments. Add to that, his neck had to be hyper extended the entire time. I left after two good byes (a 30 minute feed and a 15 minute pump session). Caleb who was sleeping in my arms, suddenly was wide awake. It 1:30am when I left. Tomorrow is another day. More progress for sure.
Thanks to his nurse, I did not go into severe depression. Bonding with Caleb was an instant mood enhancer. I guess it showed: as I walked the long hallway to the exit, the staff commented that I looked much happier.
I was there when he opened his eyes. I was there and did his trach care. It was really intimidating, but it has to be done. With practice, I know I will get better with it. It's a two person job, so the nurse was with me the entire time.
Caleb moved around a bit more. He was still on Fentanyl, so he was limited. Swelling decreased as well. If yesterday, he did twitches, today he wiggled. He appeared to have mastered opening and closing his eyes. I was very content with his progress.
Around 11pm, I felt really depressed. I just needed to hold him. I missed my son. Imagine not holding your child for 8 days and not being able to do anything about it? I said my good night and was ready to retire for the night but my little man started wiggling and looked at me. I saw tears in his eyes, as if saying "Please don't go." I decided to stay. Of course, I was in tears the whole time. Nurse Lisa, also a NICU mom, was so observant and asked if I wanted to hold him. Of course, I missed him so much.
After careful logistical planning of how Caleb was to be transferred from bed to mom's arms, he found his loving and warm destination. Two nurses and an RT organized the move and mother and son bonded in no time. As soon as he made it in my arms, I cried and cried and cried. It's difficult to explain my emotions. My son who was wide awake during the transfer, suddenly closed his eyes and fell asleep.
We were in the same position for an hour. With minimal movement, we spent time. Of course the staff were outside his door in event an incident occurs. Caleb was still on IV's, the ventilator, and various medical equipments. Add to that, his neck had to be hyper extended the entire time. I left after two good byes (a 30 minute feed and a 15 minute pump session). Caleb who was sleeping in my arms, suddenly was wide awake. It 1:30am when I left. Tomorrow is another day. More progress for sure.
Thanks to his nurse, I did not go into severe depression. Bonding with Caleb was an instant mood enhancer. I guess it showed: as I walked the long hallway to the exit, the staff commented that I looked much happier.
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